What I saw in my own son (now almost 16) was that during the years he was homeschooling, he actually sought out much more social interaction than when he’d been in school, and the interactions he had were “higher quality” (i.e., close interactions with 10 kids in a weekly outdoor-ed class, having to plan and work cooperatively to solve problems and arrive at solutions, interacting with adults while volunteering at the public library, taking the city bus to classes and activities) than those he’d have had in a typical middle school day. His eye contact, ability to “read” other people’s cues, and willingness to approach unfamiliar situations all went way up.

I do agree that anyone considering homeschooling an AS kid needs to pay particular attention to “social skills” as a “subject” area. But ironically, I found that homeschooling gave us much more time to create those opportunities and to work on the necessary skills, and that by removing some of the daily stressors of school, he had more interest in working on social interactions.  Developing those independence-interaction skills was one of my primary goals for him at that age, and it worked.

Different kids are very different, and your mileage may vary.  But activities like homeschooler groups and classes, scouts, 4H interest groups (4H isn’t just farm stuff – there’s video, train, computer, you name it) and so on often create good small-group environments for an AS kid to build key skills.  Most homeschoolers I know – both spectrum and NT – find that their kids are typically more active AND more engaged in group activities than they were while in school. 

After middle-schooling at home, my son chose to return to school for high school, and is pretty much “one of the guys” with a group of NT peers. I don’t believe that would have been possible without the extra time and focus on building social skills that homeschooling gave us the time and flexibility to do. It also gave us the flexibility to tailor his studies to “fill the holes” and work on skills he hadn’t picked up in grade school – who learns cursive in 7^th grade? 

Homeschooling isn’t right for everyone, and what’s right for a kid at age 6 might not be at age 11. But I did find that homeschooling was significantly less trouble than weekly arm-wrestling with the school had been, and he still did receive some services.

An hour later, he was head-down in the kitchen with rubber bands and a hot-glue gun, having interrupted me a half-dozen times in search of bubble wrap, duct tape, and foam rubber. I just pointed him at supplies and let him go. (I did give him some safety notes on the use of epoxy as a shell-strengthening membrane.) And go he did, figuring out any number of useful things in the process. (Hot glue is HOT. It’s easier to cut foam with a knife than scissors. Your sister usually knows where the duct tape is, and if you’re nice to her, she might tell you.) He even walked over to Grandma’s in search of the perfect-size box. Who says kids don’t enjoy physics?

He decided that the best way to simulate the catapult was to fling it off the kitchen roof into the backyard. (Permission to go on the roof was granted). It worked. All the iterations, even the weird ones involving popsicle sticks and rubber bands. Even the un-epoxied egg survived admirably. Left to my own devices, I probably wouldn’t have bothered to make a container, and if I had, I’d have arrived at a single solution without trying and rejecting half a dozen others. That’s a lot of what homeschooling is a about (or parenting, for that matter) – you pull things together with a bit of duct tape and luck, and see what happens when you fling them off the roof. The results may suprise you.

It’s an ATTITUDE, mostly – stopping looking at these kids as BROKEN and instead finding ways to help them shine at being who they are.

Even before my son was formally diagnosed, I began talking to him about people who see the world differently and how that can be a blessing. We have a nice book about Albert Einstein’s childhood called “What’s the Matter with Albert?” that he really could identify with… for us, the “label” has always been seen as a “see, you’re not crazy, you’re wired differently. That makes some things easier for you and some things harder. Some cool, interesting, famous people were like you!” This was probably easier with a 6-8 year old than a teen (who wants deperately to fit in in ALL WAYS) but it’s worth pointing out historical and current figures who think in pictures (Andy Warhol), are socially awkward (Bill Gates), could model problems in their heads (daVinci, Tesla), etc…

Life Coach Heather Flanagan has a different take on New Year’s Resolutions: “New Years offers a great opportunity to beat yourself up about everything you haven’t done yet.” Rather than repeating the same old sweeping, unrealistic resolutions and watching yourself fail yet again, Flanagan suggests taking “baby steps” to work towards your larger goals. By getting really clear about the values behind the end result, it’s easier to make the small behavior changes that ultimately snowball into real change.

Life Coaching is a relatively new profession where a client partners with a trained coach to get help setting and attaining personal and professional goals. A coach is not a counselor, business mentor, cheerleader or best friend, but uses skills and tools from all those areas and more. Coaches are trained to listen, observe and help clients create their own solutions and strategies, supporting and enhancing clients’ own skills, resources, and creativity as they work towards their goals.

When working with her coaching clients, Flanagan suggests stating all goals positively – for example “I want to eat more healthy food” versus “I want to lose 20 pounds.” Then, ask yourself why you have that goal? Do you want to live longer and enjoy many years with your grandchildren? Fit into your favorite dress in time for a party? Impress your ex?

Choosing goals that are in alignment with your own core values – not just things you think you ought to do – helps push you towards achieving them. Thinking about the value behind the goal helps put decisions in perspective – which is more important to you, time with those grandchildren, or that extra piece of pie? Goals that don’t originate from your values, but from external forces (the need to prove something to someone else or to meet other people’s expectations,) usually end up as the adult equivalent of being told to “clean your room.” You’ll ultimately rebel against that “mom” voice and stop making progress.

Once you’ve chosen a goal, break the task into tiny steps of small successes – one fewer bite of pie, waiting an hour before having seconds, parking a block from your destination and walking. Flanagan cautions people that they should expect to fail at first. “Don’t use small failures as a reason to stop working towards the goal. Instead, plan to start and re-start, over and over. If you can only work on a project for five minutes a day, that’s still a success.”

When working with coaching clients, Flanagan suggests they keep a small notebook next to the bed. Every evening, write down any steps you took towards your goal, however small, even if all you did was think about it for one minute. Those tiny steps really do add up. If your goal is to get more exercise and you’re just not making time for it, make a sub-goal of getting raising your heart rate once a day. If it’s 10 pm, you can still run up the stairs twice before going to bed!

Another pitfall Flanagan sees is people waiting to be motivated – you’ll find yourself waiting a long time. Instead, make the choice and begin those small steps now – the motivation will follow.

Still stumped about how to move forward? When a client calls about coaching, Flanagan asks them to list three things they want more of, and three things they want less of in their lives. Once those are on the table, the next question is: What has blocked you from getting what you want? Often, as an individual story unfolds, those simple questions will clarify in a few minutes something that’s been keeping the client stuck for months or even years.

Flanagan stresses the importance of a good fit when choosing to work with a life coach. “Meet with two or three coaches, and find someone who feels right,” she suggests. “You need to feel safe and supported while working toward your goals.”

Many coaches ask clients to commit to meeting regularly for a set period of time. Flanagan doesn’t – she finds the process to be very individual. Ultimately, the goal is to get the client un-stuck enough that they’re able to keep moving forward on their own, perhaps with occasional check-in visits. The idea is to get results, not foster dependency on your coach.

A good life coach doesn’t give advice, but does offer suggestions and point out options. Ideally, a coach’s role is to help you expand your openness to possibilities, and to help you overcome barriers – often self-inflicted – to getting what you want. Fear of failure can be paralyzing, but it’s often rooted in childhood assumptions that are no longer true. Once you can recognize those assumptions, you can begin to change them.

What keeps most people stuck so long, Flanagan says, is fear of failing – that change will be too difficult. “Change is hard,” she says, “but it is also fun! You can enjoy the steps – the goal becomes a journey. With even small progress, life quickly feels lighter and more joyful.”

Flanagan herself came to life coaching through a seeming failure. After graduating from Whitman with a degree in psychology, she applied to Masters in Social Work programs twice – and was turned down both times. Re-examining what she did and didn’t like about working helping people eventually led her to become a certified personal coach. She received her training at The Centre for Coach Training in Portland, Oregon, which is accredited by the International Coach Federation, the governing body for the coaching profession.

Port Townsend has been a great fit for a coaching practice, say Flanagan. “People here have been searching for this kind of help, and there’s an openness to new ideas here.” In a small community, Flanagan is able to have a more general coaching practice, rather than specializing in a niche targeting one profession or type of life challenge. This works well for Flanagan, who confesses that she “gets bored easily” and “likes to do a little bit of everything.” Working with Adult ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) is a particular area of interest for Flanagan, leading her to start an ADD-support group and to tailor coaching advice specifically for clients with ADD. She also writes a regular column for Peninsula Life magazine and maintains a blog on coaching-related topics at heatherflanagan.wordpress.com. Flanagan’s office is located upstairs of the Richard Berg Architect Office around the corner from Aldrich’s; she can be reached for coaching and consulting at (360) 379-0322.

When asked what one idea she’d like to get across to folks contemplating making New Year’s Resolutions, Flanagan asked a question: “How long do you want to let your fear that you might fail stop you from using your gifts to bring joy to people?”

The issue with gluten and casein in autistic-spectrum patients is that these proteins are incompletely metabolized. The resulting opioid peptides, which have profound effects on central nervous system function, have been shown to cross the blood-brain barrier, producing marked behavioral effects. While research into opioid peptides’ action inside the brain is still in its infancy, early studies[4] suggest that the effects are indeed significant, and that dietary interventions can and do create major positive behavioral changes in patients whose condition was regarded as intractable.

Given the positive results of this research, and the relative safety, ease and efficacy of dietary intervention in treating autism, doctors, nutritionists and other practitioners working with this population should feel confident in encouraging autistic patients and their families to pursue dietary intervention as an important component of a treatment program.

[1] A quick Google search on “Autism Gluten Free” produces dozens of matches. Some reputable parent support sites are www.autismndi.com, www.naar.org, and www.autismwebsite.com/ari/index.htm.

[2] Peptides and Autism, Karl Reichelt, MD, PhD (Institute of Pediatric Research, Univ. of Oslo, Rikshospitalet, N-0027 Oslo, Norway)and A. M. Knivsberg PhD (Centre for Reading Research, N-4068 Stavanger , Norway ); abstract at http://www.autismwebsite.com/ari/dan/reichelt.htm.

[3] Binding of Infectious Agents, Toxic Chemicals, and Dietary Peptides to Tissue Enzymes and Lymphocyte Receptors and Consequent Immune Response in Autism, Aristo Vojdani, Ph.D., M.T., Laboratory of Comparative Neuroimmunology, Department of Neurobiology David Geffen School of Medicine, UCLA, and Jon Pangborn, Ph.D., Bionostics, Inc., St. Charles, IL.

[4] Bridging the Gap – Opioid Peptides and Executive Function, Paul Shattock & Paul Whiteley, University of Sunderland, U.K.

- that autism is exceedingly rare (WRONG – it’s more common that juvenile diabetes, and getting more common all the time)

- that autism means no communication skills and little speech (WRONG – many higher-functioning autistic spectrum folks speak well and understand conversations just fine, if a little differently (anyone who lives with someone on the spectrum will smile at that )

- that autism is a “death sentence” doctors are reluctant to give to parents until all other possibilities have been exhausted (WRONG – EARLY intervention is the key to hugely better “outcomes” -ugh-what an awful word- how about “quality of life?” for people on the autistic spectrum.)

- that autism is “incurable” so there no point in “treating it” (WRONG, many things do help to make it easier for an autistic person to live in a family/community successully, and if the underlying disorder is understood, many of the “problem” behaviors improve markedly.

-that autistic kids don’t care what people think of them (WRONG – in my experience, most Aspies (and especially girls) DO care very much, but are not very good at communicating that caring appropriately or in ways that inobservant, harried adults will understand. Add into that mix the distancing behavior around touch (screeching etc) and they can come across as quite hostile. But all the Aspies I know – ranging in age from 6 to 50′s – really DO form relationships and do seek out friends, in their own way and at their own pace.
One other thing – if you’re seeing autistic behaviors in your kid, take a hard look at diet. There is a quite good book – reads like a mystery novel, not a broken-kid book – called “Unraveling the Mystery of Autism” by Karen Saroussi. She makes a fairly compelling case for GFCF diet.

I have not gone as far as GFCF, but we do follow the Feingold diet (no food dyes or flavorings, no BHA/BHT) and also severely limit corn syrup, high-salicylate fruits, and some phenols, and it helps a lot. I keep thinking about GFCF, but not being quite ready to do that given other factors in my kids’ lives.
Changing diet made the single biggest change of anything we ever did. I will NEVER again feed my son red dye if I can possibly help it. I would rather give him cocaine

Local, sustainable food production is booming – here in the Northwest and across the continent. As oil prices and cancer rates rise, knowing something about where your food comes from and how it was grown matter more than ever. So how do you get to “know your food?” By knowing your farmer of course, and where better to start than your local Farmers Market?

Like locally grown food, Farmers Markets have enjoyed a revival in the past 15-20 years. Both food producers and food buyers recognize the need for a convenient, inexpensive way for farmers to sell their wares directly to the public. My local Farmers Market vendors pay just $15 a week for booth space, plus 4% of their gross sales if they make over $100. With roughly a thousand people walking past a booth on a typical summer Saturday, that’s a real deal for high-traffic shop space.

Because of its low overhead costs, the Farmers Market is an ideal “nursery” for fledgling businesses – in my town, several established year-round companies got their start as market booths, and number of part-time backyard growers have transitioned to full-time farming. But its impact reaches far beyond supporting the farmers. Farmers Markets also serve as a community focal point, a gathering place for neighbors and friends to stop and say hi while choosing tomatoes or a loaf of bread for supper. The presence of such “Third Places” (community gathering spaces apart from home or work) are part of the glue that binds us together, that transforms faceless “anyplaces” into true communities. For more information about the importance of Third Places in community life, see sociologist Roy Oldenburg’s landmark book The Great Good Place, or visit the Project for Public Spaces website at www.pps.org.

As you visit your local market, ask the farmers what they’ll be bringing over the next couple of months. Find out where their farms are and visit. Then make a point of stopping by the Farmers Market on Saturdays to pick up some squash you saw when it was still a flower, or eggs laid by a chicken you’ve actually seen cross the road. Real food doesn’t just taste better; it feels better, too. And the community you save may be your own.

(girlfriends and I once did a “laundry intervention” and “kidnapped” *46* loads of laundry from a very-overwhelmed friend’s basement. She kept buying new clothes rather than dealing with the laundry situation…don’t let this happen to you…)

DO THIS, NO ARGUING:

1) DESIGNATED WASHDAY. Our foremothers had it right. Pick a washday (Monday is traditional, but Tuesday for some reason works better for me, if you’re working outside the house then Saturday might be the pick). This is the most key thing. The drag about laundry is the never-endingness of it, and this will change your life. Really.

Unlike your foremothers, you are not having to boil all your water on a woodstove, run it through a wringer, or (probably) even iron it. (if you are still ironing sheets and underwear, well, no wonder you’re depressed (ducking – I was JOKING!!!)

2) HAMPER LOCATIONS. Everyone gets a hamper in their room. A tall narrow wastebasket (ours inexplicably have built-in handles) work great and even fits in that odd space behind the door. Clothes off in the room GO IN THE HAMPER. PERIOD.

There’s a big giant hamper in the main bathroom, not the laundry room (no one in my family ever takes off their clothes in the laundry room!)

There’s some kind of laundry receptacle in the kitchen. Mine is an attractive wicker wastebasket strategically placed near the dog’s dish, so I can lob yucky dishtowels into it.

3) NIGHT BEFORE WASHDAY. The night before washday, everyone’s hamper gets dragged to the laundry room. This could easily be a kid job, or each drags down their own. STUFF THAT WAS NOT IN THE HAMPER DOES NOT GET WASHED, PERIOD. (possible exception for sheets – we do sheets on Saturdays when I think of it, and the old ones just go into the hamper and get washed next washday. But if you’ve only got one set/bed, incorporate sheets into the washday).

4) SORT THE LAUNDRY. Also a possible kid job. I do three “types” – light, dark, and hot-needs-soaking (usually light stuff that is kid-grubby or has stains.) In a normal week, I do three big loads of laundry, maybe 4 if I do sheets or throw rugs. THAT’S IT. If you are doing more than 1 load of laundry per person a week, you either have too many clothes, too small a washer, or are being a slave. Possible exception might be very dirty work clothes for DH (roofers do not have to wear pants a 2nd day) or lots of sports gear for stinky teenagers.

I like to sort the night before and let the hot-needs-soaking stuff soak in the washer overnight. But sorting Wash Morning works too.

5) LAUNDRY BASKETS. OK, you now have 3,4,7 loads of laundry, sorted in piles. (my bathroom is just off my laundry room, so I sort into 3 piles in the bathtub, which sounds odd but fits just fine. Ideally you own as many laundry baskets as loads you normally do in a week, or at least one per family member. Get the large, hard-plastic rubbermaid kind. They last 6-8 years of hard use, and are worth the expense.

6) THE WASHER. If the hot-soak stuff got soaked overnight the night before, in the AM first thing I just turn it onto wash (I don’t usually drain the soaking water, just wash in it, the dirt is all out of the clothes already from the long soak). There’s load 1. When that’s done, put it directly into the dryer (more on the line-drying variant below)and put in load #2.

Anything that can’t go in the dryer (wool socks, lycra stuff, etc.) gets tossed into a separate laundry basket and either hung up then (outside or in, see LINE DRYING below) or accumulated through the day and then all hung at once.

7) THE DRYER. When you hear the washer kick off, go take the stuff out of the dryer. A normal size load will be not-quite-dry in the time the washer takes – perfect. Not-quite-dry means no static cling, and fewer wrinkles. Put load #2 from the washer into the dryer, load #3 into the washer, and keep on going. Rinse, repeat.

8)FOLDING. FOLD RIGHT OUT OF THE DRYER. FOLD RIGHT OUT OF THE DRYER. FOLD RIGHT OUT OF THE DRYER. This is the other secret of a happy laundry life. You are going to have one basket per family member and one for the bathrooms/kitchen/etc circling around you as you unload the dryer. If you fold each item and toss it into the owner’s basket, when all the laundry is done, the basket goes to that room AND YOU’RE DONE. No piles of un-folded laundry on the sofa for the dog to walk on.

If you’re slammed for time and can’t fold, just throw the dry items into the owner’s basket un-folded. Divide and conquer will win the laundry war.

9) PUTTING AWAY. Each person’s basket goes to his/her room, and the bath stuff to the bathroom, kitchen to the kitchen. Also an easy-to-give-a-kid task.

10) THE HARD PART. Kids will want something important that was not in the hamper. Be firm. The learning curve on this is very short. (Gee, that’s too bad. put it in the hamper and I’ll be sure to wash it next Monday). Really. I am not a stickler about hardly anything, but if you start doing just teensy little loads every day, you’ll be back on the laundry treadmill in no time. Bonus – fewer socks festering under the bed. They WILL eventually run out of socks/underwear/pants. Natural learning is lifelong learning!

APPENDIX – The HANG DRY OPTION.

I had no dryer FOR THREE YEARS AND FOUR WINTERS. I live in the Pacific NW where it rains every single day for 6 monts. I had a kid in diapers for 2+ of those years. My house has no central heat, and the climate is damp. If I can do it, you could too. Here’s the trick:

Get one of those “accordion” style wooden folding laundry racks for every member of the family, or at least one per bedroom and one each for the bath and kitchen. Each rack holds about a big washerload of laundry, and you’re not doing more than one load/person/week, remember? Even the smallest bedrooms has room someplace to leave one of these set up most of the time, or at least to have it out for overnight one night a week. Really. I got most of my racks at yard sales for less than $5 each, so if you start looking you’ll find them.

As stuff comes out of the washer (spin it well so it’s really dry -my washer has a fast “hang dry” spin setting), sort it by owner into baskets (just like in the dryer instructions above). Take each soggy basket of laundry to the owner’s rack, and hang it up there. That’s it, you’re done.

It will mostly dry overnight even in a cool damp climate. The fold-and-put-away step becomes optional, since it’s in the person’s room already – they can just grab their clean undies off the rack.

If it’s summer/you live in Arizona, you can hang it outside as it comes out of the washer, but this takes more time and attention than the inside racks.

Sheets will hang very nicely draped over a half-open door. You can hang 4-5 towels on an average shower bar. Yes, line-dried towels are stiff, but loosen up the minute you use them. Stiff cloth diapers un-stiffen if you whack them against the changing table once or twice before applying, or roll them to store rather than stacking.

A dryer costs about 50 cents a load, so consider paying yourself to line-dry That said, I do now have a dryer (I finally got around to wiring it when we got head lice and I needed do heat-kill the pillows and stuff).

FAQs/BUTS

…BUT I DO 12 LOADS A WEEK….unless you have 12 kids, something is wrong. Assess what’s coming out of the laundry and prune wardrobes. A homeschooler friend who lives on 36 foot boat with 4 kids pruned everyone to 4 outfits, period. Extreme, but possible. An easy way to do this is to watch what actually gets worn for a month, and keep only that, seasonally storing the rest, or giving it away.

…BUT DOING 6 LOADS WOULD TAKE 6 HOURS… yes, but only about 5 minutes an hour of hands-on time. Time yourself – it really does only take 5 minutes to fold an entire load straight out of the dryer. Really. Make laundry day a day when you’re home anyway, and once an hour take a stretch break and throw in the next load. Since it’s all sorted and ready to go, it really does take 5 mins tops. It’s the endless chasing around under beds etc. and the random scattered bits that take forever.

…BUT I WORK ALL WEEK… So have a laundry NIGHT, or a laundry Saturday. Change loads during commercials. The point of the designated day is to have a beginning, middle, and end. Why people get overwhelmed by laundry is that, like sweeping, it’s endless. Imposing a structure keeps the boundaries clear. If you find something on Monday night that didn’t make it into the wash, it goes in the hamper for a week. End of story.

…BUT WE CAN’T GO A WHOLE WEEK…If your family wears 12 outfits a week but doesn’t own 7 undies/socks each, sell some of their excess clothing on eBay and buy them enough underwear. Or ask Grandma for some for Christmas.

…BUT WE GO TO THE LAUNDROMAT…Chances are, if you go to the ‘mat, you already “bulk” your laundry. If you can hang-dry your wash at home and save the $1+/load dryer cost, in just a few weeks you’ll have the 50 bucks to buy a garage-sale washer. Hook it up in the hard to the garden hose if that’s the only place – it’ll work. Use the saved time and money to go to the movies.

OTHER LAUNDRY HINTS:

I use bulk “natural” laundry soap from my food coop, which is super-concentrated (takes about 2 TBS/load) and a big box lasts forever, and is cheap.

I soak overnight in hot water with detergent and non-chlorine bleach (I buy the non-scented Country Save natural kind). Then add another dollop of detergent when I start it actually washing.

I have a super big-capacity top-loading machine. If I were buying a new one now I might get a front-loader, but I like being able to add something after it’s started.

I don’t use spray-n-wash or stain stick or dryer sheets (pee-yew, the perfumes make me gag). I used to work in theater costume shops and even blood, lipstick and stage makeup will come out with an overnight soak with non-chlorine bleach, which is safe for virtually anything. Really. Or use automatic dishwasher detergent as a soak.

That’s my laundry method. It may not work for everyone, but it works for me.

Libby, goddess of laundry

My son began to be able to go into a store and buy something, talk to a strange adult while waiting in line, make a phone call or take a phone message, after beginning the class. We LOVE it! He will never probably perform on stage at all – and that’s not the point. He found something that’s fun AND is meeting a need. I never told him it was “training” him to do anything.